Charles Rogers

I'm...Charles...Rogers...I had 68 catches and 13 touchdowns! Now it's more like "I'm...Charles...Rogers...I have 3 parole violations...1 assault and battery...1 drunk driving...1 passing out in a mexican restaurant...and 5 kids." Rogers spits hot fire! Flows off the tongue like Snoop. But give him credit for this...he does have one more professional touchdown than parole violations.

But in my opinion, he's guilty of only one thing...keepin' it real. Just because you grow up in Michigan, play your college ball at Michigan State, and get drafted number 2 overall by your hometown team doesn't mean that you can't keep it real. In fact, it is of utmost importance that the real be kept. You still have all your homies from da hood around, and you can't disappoint them, can you? What would they think if you stopped blowin' tha 'dro? Actually, you're making all the money so, you can buy their's too!

In college, Rogers kept it real both on and off the field. After 1200 yards and 12 touchdowns his first year, he followed that with 1351 and 13 touchdowns his second. All of this on top of a positive drug test each year. Imagine what he would have done if he wasn't high all the time! He put up monster numbers, had a huge personality, and more talent than Tiger Woods (allegedly) has with the ladies. He was perfect for the Lions. Hometown kid, arguably the best player in the draft, marketable.

Maybe they should have dug a little deeper and found out about his drug tests. Maybe Michigan State covered it up because they just wanted to get rid of him. Either way, Rogers cashed in. Do you have any idea how much weed a $14.2 million dollar signing bonus can buy? Assuming he was smoking some pretty good stuff (with that much cash, you don't buy shwag) at $300 per ounce, that comes out 4,733.3333 ounces (or 295.83331 pounds. I think you can go to jail for that). WHOOOOOO...you can get lots of dudes high with that! And I'm also sure Chuck found out that he more friends than he knew about after he signed his deal than he did before it.

Unfortunately for Mr. Rogers (the football player, not the children's TV host (although I'm sure drugs were involved in some way with him, too. No way someone with a clear mind comes up with the "Land of Makebelieve")), in his fifth game, he broke his collarbone. When you're out with an injury, and possibly 295 pounds of pot at your disposal, you smoke a lot, or as he told Jamele Hill of ESPN, you "be blowin' evy day." If you haven't seen the "Outside the Lines" interview, you have to. Its classic.

For all intents and purposes, that was the end of his career. He played in one game the following year in which he broke his collarbone again. The next year, he played in nine games with three starts. He had 14 catches for 197 yards and a score. Even though he wasn't scoring on the field, I bet he scored a lot of weed. He was released before the end of the season because coach Rod Marinelli said that Rogers' work ethic did fit with the team. Here's where I find the oxymoron in that...Number 1, no one that high has a work ethic. Number 2, since when do the Detroit Lions have a work ethic?

All of this leads us to Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Charles was thirsty and for some reason, was craving a burrito. I mean, who doesn't want mexican food when they're high? What do you think keeps Taco Bell in business? Certainly not the gourmet food they shove out the drive-thru for $.89. It's stoners. But when you still have (possibly) a few grand left from your signing bonus, you go high end stoner food. On the Border Mexican Restaurant. But, as all too often happens, keepin' it real went wrong. Again. On probation for a drunk driving arrest in September, Rogers, who was ordered to RE-enroll in an alcohol program, needed a margarita or ten with his burrito. When he became unresponsive to the bartenders, thinking he had a heart attack, the staff called 911. Turns out he was just over-served. This happens at 3:15 am. Unfortunately, it was 3:15 pm! Dude! What is wrong with you?!?! The only people who should be drunk at 3:15 pm are people tailgating, post-tailgating, or people who work the graveyard shift. Not former NFL players trying to become current NFL players who are on probation for drunk driving.

Really, its a sad story. An enormous waste of talent. He's right up there with Maurice Clarrett. They're only separated by a few hundred miles at their respective penitentiaries. Maybe they can be penpals and trade stories about how they ruined their's and their families' futures with booze and drugs. Welcome to the Pantheon, Charles. You may kiss OJ's ring.