Patriots Fans

Patriots fans should be ashamed of themselves, if there are any real Patriots fans left. It certainly didn't seem like there were too many of them at Gillette Stadium yesterday. It's hard to remember the last time there were so many empty seats at a Pats playoff game. And far too many of the full seats were filled by Ravens fans.

The official attendance was 68, 756. There were probably 63,00 there and 25,000 of those were wearing purple and black. What could you possibly be doing on a freezing Sunday in January? Wrapping up in your Snuggie and watching "The Notebook" with the wife? Fine. So it was cold. We didn't have Wes Welker. But these are the Patriots! They don't lose at home and they certainly don't lose in January (maybe in February, but not in January). (Keep in mind I'm writing this from the point of view of pre-game.)

I've been on the waiting list for season tickets since July of 2001. If you don't want your seats, I'll be more than happy to take them off your hands. So would the other 50,000+ people waiting for their chance to grab a pair of seats to the Razor. The rest of country laughs at us. Except of course for Oakland, Jacksonville and Kansas City. But you know what? If the Raiders or Jaguars had a team half as good as the Pats, they'd bang out their stadiums every week. It's not the fans' fault that the Crypt Keeper won't give up control of the Raiders and the scouting staff equipment consists solely of stop-watches. The Jags are up and down and no one knows what to expect from year to year. Maybe if they had a quarterback to build around, they could be ok. The Chiefs fans, finally, after years of misery, have said "eff you until you give us a competitive team" but for year for year after year after year of awful teams, you still could not buy a ticket for a Chiefs home game.

Patriots fans are front-runners and fair weather fans. They flood the streets by the millions when the team wins, but if it's an off year? Crickets. Can't find them. We had 4 extra tickets for the playoff game and it was like pulling teeth to get rid of them. Just because you don't think we will win, doesn't mean you shouldn't go. How about having some fun? How about supporting your team? How about justifying all those "Super Bowl Champion" t-shirts you have hanging your closet? You can't have it both ways. Either you're a fan or you're not. There's only so much room on the bandwagon and right now, if you have season tickets and didn't go on Sunday, I have to say, there is no room for your couch-sitting, chick-flick watching fat ass.

Sell your tickets to people who want them. You've become too spoiled. I remember going to games with my dad in the early '80's. There were 5,000 people there and we loved it! You could stand outside the front office and get autographs from the players, sit anywhere you wanted, and never had to sit in traffic to get out of the stadium. But we had fun and we loved our team. Now, it seems like people love the idea of being a Patriots fan more than actually being a Patriots fan. Its a cool place to be seen but people don't watch the game. Back in the old stadium, there were no luxury boxes or club seats. People actually sat in the stands, like they still do at other stadiums in the NFL. Look at those red seats between the 30 yard lines in the second level. $350-$750 per seat, per game...empty. I wish I could wipe my ass with hundred dollar bills, too. But I can't. So when I pay for a ticket to a game, I go and I have fun. There are plenty of real fans who would kill to have your seats and would go to every game. I used to be proud to say I was a Patriots fan when I travelled. But not anymore and not because of them. Because of you. All of you no-shows who sell your tickets (to visiting fans) and give us a reputation of being fair-weather fans.

The Indianapolis Colts

The face says it all. You have a chance for perfection. Granted, your team isn't really that good and you've squeaked out some close games. But you had it in your grasp. Just beat the mediocre Jets and the awful Bills and you head into the playoffs at 16-0. You're on the brink of history.

The Patriots came up short in 2007. 18-0 heading into the Super Bowl, my beloved team blew it when it counted most, throwing away what could have been the greatest season in the history of professional sports.

Buy you, Peyton Manning, Jim Caldwell, and Bill Polian, threw it all away because Polian decided "sixteen and oh is not historic." Maybe not, since the Patriots did it two years ago. But, 19-0 is very historic. Unfortunately, you can't go 19-o without going 16-0 first. I highly doubt Caldwell had anything to with this. Really, Jim Caldwell is Head Coach in title only. Peyton Manning is the real head coach. He calls all the plays. He runs the team. Caldwell may run the practices and take care of disciplinary matters, but Peyton is the boss.

I have no problem with the Colts pulling their starters. I have a problem with WHEN they pulled them. Being up by five is not the time to pull your starters. Especially at home. Leave your starters in to score one more touchdown and go up by twelve. At that point, if you lose, you lose. But pulling them half way through the third quarter against a team that is mathematically still alive for the playoffs? Jesus! Take your season ticket holders into account! They're not paying top dollar to watch Curtis Painter throw away a perfect season. They're paying to watch Peyton Manning, Joseph Addai, Dwight Freeney and Reggie Wayne.

In 2007, the Patriots played to win every game. Kudos to the Giants for not laying down in week 17. Everyone who bought tickets or tuned in to watch the game got everything they were paying for. As far as I'm concerned, the Indianapolis Colts owe every season ticket holder and everyone who tuned into that game a refund. They laid down. They had a chance at being the considered the greatest professional sports franchise of all time and they threw it away.

People like to say "I wish the Patriots lost a game during the season to take the pressure off." No! As Herm Edwards said, "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!!!" What's wrong with going undefeated during the regular season? The regular season has absolutely nothing to do with the postseason. To be a champion, you need to win every game in the postseason. Only one team goes undefeated in the postseason.

Be a champion! Consider every game the most important game of the year! Go for history! Give the fans what they pay for! Say what you will about Bill Belichick. He understands the historical context of every game he coaches. Whether its about having Doug Flutie kick a drop kick for the first time in 60 years, going undefeated or winning more Super Bowls than anyone else, he gets it. Sometimes its about more than winning a championship. Sometimes its about doing something no one else has ever done. To throw away the opportunity to do that is inexcusable.

Eighteen franchises have won Super Bowls. Only one did it in an undefeated season. But that was only 14 games plus playoffs. No one has ever gone 19-0. The Colts had a chance. The only guarantee in the NFL is that every year there will be a Super Bowl champion. To not give yourself the chance to do it in a way that no one else ever has in inexcusable. Mazel Tov to Jim Irsay and Bill Polian. You lost your team. The team with the best record in the NFL is probably going to lose their first layoff game. To paraphrase Tom Jackson, "they hate their management."

Tiger Woods, part III

Yes!! Even more is coming out about Tiger! It seems as though someone with knowledge of the investigation, former Canadians' and Bruins' coach Pat Burns, has said that a friend of his has been working on the investigation. According to Burns, there is a very good reason Tiger hasn't been seen in public lately.

According to Burns, Tiger was out playing cards the night of the "accident." When he returned home, he sat down to watch television. She confronted Tiger about some text messages. His answers didn't quite float with what she had in mind. Subsequently, she took a nine iron to his grill and smashed his face pretty good. She then chased him out of the house, he jumps in the Escalade, and smashes into a tree and fire hydrant. She wasn't trying to save him, she was trying to kill him.

Having more money than God, Tiger immediately flew to Arizona for reconstructive surgery on his face. Hence, no public Tiger sightings since the "event."

But the best part, when asked what Tiger gave her for Christmas, she responded, "$300 million." You can't make this up. No witty commentary needed.

Charles Rogers

I'm...Charles...Rogers...I had 68 catches and 13 touchdowns! Now it's more like "I'm...Charles...Rogers...I have 3 parole violations...1 assault and battery...1 drunk driving...1 passing out in a mexican restaurant...and 5 kids." Rogers spits hot fire! Flows off the tongue like Snoop. But give him credit for this...he does have one more professional touchdown than parole violations.

But in my opinion, he's guilty of only one thing...keepin' it real. Just because you grow up in Michigan, play your college ball at Michigan State, and get drafted number 2 overall by your hometown team doesn't mean that you can't keep it real. In fact, it is of utmost importance that the real be kept. You still have all your homies from da hood around, and you can't disappoint them, can you? What would they think if you stopped blowin' tha 'dro? Actually, you're making all the money so, you can buy their's too!

In college, Rogers kept it real both on and off the field. After 1200 yards and 12 touchdowns his first year, he followed that with 1351 and 13 touchdowns his second. All of this on top of a positive drug test each year. Imagine what he would have done if he wasn't high all the time! He put up monster numbers, had a huge personality, and more talent than Tiger Woods (allegedly) has with the ladies. He was perfect for the Lions. Hometown kid, arguably the best player in the draft, marketable.

Maybe they should have dug a little deeper and found out about his drug tests. Maybe Michigan State covered it up because they just wanted to get rid of him. Either way, Rogers cashed in. Do you have any idea how much weed a $14.2 million dollar signing bonus can buy? Assuming he was smoking some pretty good stuff (with that much cash, you don't buy shwag) at $300 per ounce, that comes out 4,733.3333 ounces (or 295.83331 pounds. I think you can go to jail for that). WHOOOOOO...you can get lots of dudes high with that! And I'm also sure Chuck found out that he more friends than he knew about after he signed his deal than he did before it.

Unfortunately for Mr. Rogers (the football player, not the children's TV host (although I'm sure drugs were involved in some way with him, too. No way someone with a clear mind comes up with the "Land of Makebelieve")), in his fifth game, he broke his collarbone. When you're out with an injury, and possibly 295 pounds of pot at your disposal, you smoke a lot, or as he told Jamele Hill of ESPN, you "be blowin' evy day." If you haven't seen the "Outside the Lines" interview, you have to. Its classic.

For all intents and purposes, that was the end of his career. He played in one game the following year in which he broke his collarbone again. The next year, he played in nine games with three starts. He had 14 catches for 197 yards and a score. Even though he wasn't scoring on the field, I bet he scored a lot of weed. He was released before the end of the season because coach Rod Marinelli said that Rogers' work ethic did fit with the team. Here's where I find the oxymoron in that...Number 1, no one that high has a work ethic. Number 2, since when do the Detroit Lions have a work ethic?

All of this leads us to Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Charles was thirsty and for some reason, was craving a burrito. I mean, who doesn't want mexican food when they're high? What do you think keeps Taco Bell in business? Certainly not the gourmet food they shove out the drive-thru for $.89. It's stoners. But when you still have (possibly) a few grand left from your signing bonus, you go high end stoner food. On the Border Mexican Restaurant. But, as all too often happens, keepin' it real went wrong. Again. On probation for a drunk driving arrest in September, Rogers, who was ordered to RE-enroll in an alcohol program, needed a margarita or ten with his burrito. When he became unresponsive to the bartenders, thinking he had a heart attack, the staff called 911. Turns out he was just over-served. This happens at 3:15 am. Unfortunately, it was 3:15 pm! Dude! What is wrong with you?!?! The only people who should be drunk at 3:15 pm are people tailgating, post-tailgating, or people who work the graveyard shift. Not former NFL players trying to become current NFL players who are on probation for drunk driving.

Really, its a sad story. An enormous waste of talent. He's right up there with Maurice Clarrett. They're only separated by a few hundred miles at their respective penitentiaries. Maybe they can be penpals and trade stories about how they ruined their's and their families' futures with booze and drugs. Welcome to the Pantheon, Charles. You may kiss OJ's ring.

The BCS

Yet again, the powers that be the Bowl Championship Series, have proven their ineptitude. Of course you can't argue that Alabama and Texas should be playing for the BCS title and the national championship. Keep in mind of course that the BCS champion and the national championship are two different things. The winner of the Citi National Championship Game is the BCS champion (I guess Sears realized what a joke this BCS process is and bailed on the sponsorship deal). However, the college football national champion still has to be voted on by coaches and writers. That's how you end up with split champions like in 2004 with LSU and USC sharing the title (although we all know the undefeated Auburn Tigers should have had a shot at the title).

But I digress. I like the idea of set conference match-ups for bowl games. How can anyone argue about a Big Ten / Pac 10 game in the Rose Bowl? Even the games themselves this year should be great. Ohio State is always a tough squad, even though they've proven time and time again that they can't match up with the speed of an SEC team. The same might be true this year against the Pac 10's Oregon. Maybe if the Buckeyes cut down on the meat and potatoes and have a few smoothies in the weeks leading up to the game, they'll be able to keep up with Jeremiah Messoli and stay in the game. I like Oregon. Sorry, Sniltch.

Cincinnati and Florida in the Sugar? Let's get this out on the table right now. I HATE TIM TEBOW!!! I hope Cincinnati smashes the Gators for many reasons. Not the least of which is Brian Kelly bolting for Notre Dame. Typical college football money-grab. I hope Tony Pike lights up the Florida secondary like a Christmas tree. But more so, I hope Tebow shows how much of a mediocre quarterback he is. His long delivery, inaccurate passing, and inability to read a defense could (and hopefully will) be his downfall in this game. Enjoy being the worst quarterback at the Combine (which I'm sure your handlers will advise you not to go to) and being drafted as a fullback in the fifth round by Oakland. Actually, I doubt you'll go to Oakland. You're not fast enough.

Not much to say about Iowa and Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl. Not really any flash or excitement here. Iowa had a nice season, going undefeated for 9 weeks and Georgia Tech had two big wins against Clemson and beat Va Tech. But really, do you care about this game? I don't so lets move on.

This is the one that bugs the shit out of me. The Fiesta Bowl. WTF?!?! Boise State vs. TCU. Not that I don't think that it's a good game because I think it will be awesome. If you like offense, when you look at the final score, you might think it was the Jazz playing the Mavericks. But what does it prove? Absolutely nothing. It's like the cripple fight on "South Park." When two retards beat the shit out of each other, yes, it's incredibly fun to watch, but the winner doesn't get a belt or even a round of drinks. They become the butt of many, many jokes. And funny jokes at that.

Last year, Utah beat the bejesus out of Alabama. In the 2006 Fiesta Bowl, Boise beat Oklahoma in possibly the greatest college football game ever played. These teams from the "weaker" conferences have proven that can play with the big boys, so why pit two undefeated teams who haven't beaten anybody (except for Boise State beating Oregon, and that white kid paying the price for it) against each other? If the people in charge of the BCS were smart, which they're not, they would have Boise State play Florida and TCU play Ohio State. But they're ascared. If either BSU or TCU were to win those games, the case is made that the six automatic bids are a farse. There's too much to lose for the Big Cash System. But, if they lose, and lose big, the BCS proves their point that they chose the right conferences for the bids.

There is only one way to settle it all: PLAYOFF!! The FBS (football bowl series) likes to use the excuse that they don't want to keep the kids out of class for that long. What?!?!? How long is the NCAA basketball championship? A month? How long are those kids out of class? Or the Division 1-A football schools? Those kids actually DO go to class since they know that they're not going pro. If you go to a big-time college football school, you're going because you think you can go pro. You're there for two reasons: football and vagina. Academics have as much to do with a kid going to Ohio State as a Bar Mitzvah has to being a Jew: its all about the money. When I had my Bar Mitzvah, I went the ceremony, got the money, and got out of the business. You know you're going to make big money, so you go through the motions. You raise your hand for role call, sleep through class and have the nerdy kid who you can kick the shit out of do your homework.

I don't buy the "we can't keep them out of class for that long" argument for one second. These schools play football for one reason: cash. The BCS is a windfall for the six conferences with automatic bids. But here's my question...if they went to playoff system, wouldn't the bowls be worth more to sponsors if they actually meant something? A stand alone bowl game with a corporate name attached to it is a fine way to raise the visibility of your company. But, wouldn't your company gain more by the bowl game actually having an effect on the national champion? Take the top ten teams, designated by the BCS system. 1 plays 10, 2 plays 9, 3 plays 8, etc. Do brackets like the basketball tournament. 1 plays 10 in the Holiday bowl, 2 plays 9 in the Sun Bowl, and on and on. You go on a rotating basis with each of the BCS bowls changing where they stand in the hierarchy of rounds. Everybody's happy, the sponsors pay more for naming rights to the bowl games because they actually mean something and we have a true national championship. It's not that hard, people.

The last thing we need is for Congress to get involved in how the college football national champion is decided. Fix it now and get it right.

Tiger Woods Redux

Wow!  This story just keeps getting better.  Now, according to TMZ, El Tigre's missus caught him cheating.  First, she took the claws to him and cut up his face.  The lovely Elin couldn't then leave well enough alone and proceeded to chase him from the manse with a golf club.  Good for her!  Dip the wick in another pot of wax and you deserve what's coming to you.

So Elin chases him out of the house under threat of beheading by nine iron and he jumps in the Escalade, floors it to get away, and smashes the ass end of the SUV into a fire hydrant and riccochets into a tree on his neighbors lawn.  Feeling guilty, she busts out the window and pulls him to safety.  She should have left him in there.  Let the EMTs pull him out with the jaws of life.  If he doesn't make it, fewer people to challenge the will.

Now it seems like Mr. & Mrs. Woods are working together.  They've postponed police interviews numerous times.  Seems like a little "let's get our stories straight" to me.  If Tiger is accused of cheating on his wife, goodbye Nike, goodbye Buick, goodbye Gatorade.  I know Kobe came back after raping that girl in Colorado, but he never had the shine on him that Tiger has.  Tiger will eventually get his endorsements back as well, but he will forever be tainted (yes...I said "taint").     There will always be whispers and his childish yelling at galleries for taking pictures during his backswing will not get the same sympathy that it used to.

Regardless of the outcome of the police investigation, should Tiger ever cooperate, he will never be viewed the same.  All I can say is, Tiger, YOUR WIFE IS A SWEDISH MODEL!!!  WHY WOULD YOU GO SLUMMING WITH SOME NEW YORK NIGHTCLUB HOSTESS/WHORE?  Elin, if you need a rebound, I'm single and will be more than happy to help you get over your incredibly rich, uber-successful (ex)husband.

Tiger Woods

Are you shitting me?  Let me get this straight.  So Tiger Woods, leaving his house at 2:30am, backs out of his driveway and hits a fire hydrant AND a tree?  I call BULLSHIT!!!  On top of that, they say alcohol was not involved?!?!  DOUBLE BULLSHIT!!!!  That dude was wasted!  This is the biggest cover-up since JFK.

Let me propose what really happened.  El Tigre and his lady love get into it on Thanksgiving evening.  El Tigre goes  out, has a few too many and bangs up his Escalade pulling into his driveway.   I wonder how Buick feels about him driving a Cadillac to begin with.  He's lucky that when Elin pulled out the ol' nine iron to break him free from the wreckage that she didn't give him a few across the head with it.

This is the biggest cover-up since Roswell.  If only to have Tiger's resources.  You or I would be in the police blotter faster than Superman could circle the globe.  But not El Tigre.  He'll buy himself out of this like OJ bought himself of a double murder conviction.  I'm guessing a few cosmopolitans were involved.  I can't imagine Tiger drinking whiskey like a real man.  John Daly is probably laughing his balls off right now.

This event gives a whole new meaning to "Tigerslam."