The BCS

Yet again, the powers that be the Bowl Championship Series, have proven their ineptitude. Of course you can't argue that Alabama and Texas should be playing for the BCS title and the national championship. Keep in mind of course that the BCS champion and the national championship are two different things. The winner of the Citi National Championship Game is the BCS champion (I guess Sears realized what a joke this BCS process is and bailed on the sponsorship deal). However, the college football national champion still has to be voted on by coaches and writers. That's how you end up with split champions like in 2004 with LSU and USC sharing the title (although we all know the undefeated Auburn Tigers should have had a shot at the title).

But I digress. I like the idea of set conference match-ups for bowl games. How can anyone argue about a Big Ten / Pac 10 game in the Rose Bowl? Even the games themselves this year should be great. Ohio State is always a tough squad, even though they've proven time and time again that they can't match up with the speed of an SEC team. The same might be true this year against the Pac 10's Oregon. Maybe if the Buckeyes cut down on the meat and potatoes and have a few smoothies in the weeks leading up to the game, they'll be able to keep up with Jeremiah Messoli and stay in the game. I like Oregon. Sorry, Sniltch.

Cincinnati and Florida in the Sugar? Let's get this out on the table right now. I HATE TIM TEBOW!!! I hope Cincinnati smashes the Gators for many reasons. Not the least of which is Brian Kelly bolting for Notre Dame. Typical college football money-grab. I hope Tony Pike lights up the Florida secondary like a Christmas tree. But more so, I hope Tebow shows how much of a mediocre quarterback he is. His long delivery, inaccurate passing, and inability to read a defense could (and hopefully will) be his downfall in this game. Enjoy being the worst quarterback at the Combine (which I'm sure your handlers will advise you not to go to) and being drafted as a fullback in the fifth round by Oakland. Actually, I doubt you'll go to Oakland. You're not fast enough.

Not much to say about Iowa and Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl. Not really any flash or excitement here. Iowa had a nice season, going undefeated for 9 weeks and Georgia Tech had two big wins against Clemson and beat Va Tech. But really, do you care about this game? I don't so lets move on.

This is the one that bugs the shit out of me. The Fiesta Bowl. WTF?!?! Boise State vs. TCU. Not that I don't think that it's a good game because I think it will be awesome. If you like offense, when you look at the final score, you might think it was the Jazz playing the Mavericks. But what does it prove? Absolutely nothing. It's like the cripple fight on "South Park." When two retards beat the shit out of each other, yes, it's incredibly fun to watch, but the winner doesn't get a belt or even a round of drinks. They become the butt of many, many jokes. And funny jokes at that.

Last year, Utah beat the bejesus out of Alabama. In the 2006 Fiesta Bowl, Boise beat Oklahoma in possibly the greatest college football game ever played. These teams from the "weaker" conferences have proven that can play with the big boys, so why pit two undefeated teams who haven't beaten anybody (except for Boise State beating Oregon, and that white kid paying the price for it) against each other? If the people in charge of the BCS were smart, which they're not, they would have Boise State play Florida and TCU play Ohio State. But they're ascared. If either BSU or TCU were to win those games, the case is made that the six automatic bids are a farse. There's too much to lose for the Big Cash System. But, if they lose, and lose big, the BCS proves their point that they chose the right conferences for the bids.

There is only one way to settle it all: PLAYOFF!! The FBS (football bowl series) likes to use the excuse that they don't want to keep the kids out of class for that long. What?!?!? How long is the NCAA basketball championship? A month? How long are those kids out of class? Or the Division 1-A football schools? Those kids actually DO go to class since they know that they're not going pro. If you go to a big-time college football school, you're going because you think you can go pro. You're there for two reasons: football and vagina. Academics have as much to do with a kid going to Ohio State as a Bar Mitzvah has to being a Jew: its all about the money. When I had my Bar Mitzvah, I went the ceremony, got the money, and got out of the business. You know you're going to make big money, so you go through the motions. You raise your hand for role call, sleep through class and have the nerdy kid who you can kick the shit out of do your homework.

I don't buy the "we can't keep them out of class for that long" argument for one second. These schools play football for one reason: cash. The BCS is a windfall for the six conferences with automatic bids. But here's my question...if they went to playoff system, wouldn't the bowls be worth more to sponsors if they actually meant something? A stand alone bowl game with a corporate name attached to it is a fine way to raise the visibility of your company. But, wouldn't your company gain more by the bowl game actually having an effect on the national champion? Take the top ten teams, designated by the BCS system. 1 plays 10, 2 plays 9, 3 plays 8, etc. Do brackets like the basketball tournament. 1 plays 10 in the Holiday bowl, 2 plays 9 in the Sun Bowl, and on and on. You go on a rotating basis with each of the BCS bowls changing where they stand in the hierarchy of rounds. Everybody's happy, the sponsors pay more for naming rights to the bowl games because they actually mean something and we have a true national championship. It's not that hard, people.

The last thing we need is for Congress to get involved in how the college football national champion is decided. Fix it now and get it right.

Tiger Woods Redux

Wow!  This story just keeps getting better.  Now, according to TMZ, El Tigre's missus caught him cheating.  First, she took the claws to him and cut up his face.  The lovely Elin couldn't then leave well enough alone and proceeded to chase him from the manse with a golf club.  Good for her!  Dip the wick in another pot of wax and you deserve what's coming to you.

So Elin chases him out of the house under threat of beheading by nine iron and he jumps in the Escalade, floors it to get away, and smashes the ass end of the SUV into a fire hydrant and riccochets into a tree on his neighbors lawn.  Feeling guilty, she busts out the window and pulls him to safety.  She should have left him in there.  Let the EMTs pull him out with the jaws of life.  If he doesn't make it, fewer people to challenge the will.

Now it seems like Mr. & Mrs. Woods are working together.  They've postponed police interviews numerous times.  Seems like a little "let's get our stories straight" to me.  If Tiger is accused of cheating on his wife, goodbye Nike, goodbye Buick, goodbye Gatorade.  I know Kobe came back after raping that girl in Colorado, but he never had the shine on him that Tiger has.  Tiger will eventually get his endorsements back as well, but he will forever be tainted (yes...I said "taint").     There will always be whispers and his childish yelling at galleries for taking pictures during his backswing will not get the same sympathy that it used to.

Regardless of the outcome of the police investigation, should Tiger ever cooperate, he will never be viewed the same.  All I can say is, Tiger, YOUR WIFE IS A SWEDISH MODEL!!!  WHY WOULD YOU GO SLUMMING WITH SOME NEW YORK NIGHTCLUB HOSTESS/WHORE?  Elin, if you need a rebound, I'm single and will be more than happy to help you get over your incredibly rich, uber-successful (ex)husband.

Tiger Woods

Are you shitting me?  Let me get this straight.  So Tiger Woods, leaving his house at 2:30am, backs out of his driveway and hits a fire hydrant AND a tree?  I call BULLSHIT!!!  On top of that, they say alcohol was not involved?!?!  DOUBLE BULLSHIT!!!!  That dude was wasted!  This is the biggest cover-up since JFK.

Let me propose what really happened.  El Tigre and his lady love get into it on Thanksgiving evening.  El Tigre goes  out, has a few too many and bangs up his Escalade pulling into his driveway.   I wonder how Buick feels about him driving a Cadillac to begin with.  He's lucky that when Elin pulled out the ol' nine iron to break him free from the wreckage that she didn't give him a few across the head with it.

This is the biggest cover-up since Roswell.  If only to have Tiger's resources.  You or I would be in the police blotter faster than Superman could circle the globe.  But not El Tigre.  He'll buy himself out of this like OJ bought himself of a double murder conviction.  I'm guessing a few cosmopolitans were involved.  I can't imagine Tiger drinking whiskey like a real man.  John Daly is probably laughing his balls off right now.

This event gives a whole new meaning to "Tigerslam."

RIP Sean "The Tizzle" Taylor

Two years ago today (November 27), Sean "The Tizzle" Taylor passed away. 

We'll post our own tribute to him later, but for now, we'll just memorialize him.  Remember to tip your 40's and dump a bit on the ground in remembrance.

Bud "The Birdman" Adams

Ah, to be old.  Everyone always says, "oh, to be young again."  Screw that!  When you're old, you can get away with anything.  You can use racial slurs, make comments about gay people, and to hell with turn signals.  Those are for the inexperienced.  When you're old, you get where you're going at the expense of others.  It just takes longer.  Much, much longer.  And, when those incredibly offensive things do come out of your mouth, you can just blame the senility.

Bud Adams, owner of the Tennessee Titans, used the advantages of being old to the hilt when he flipped the bird to the fans in Buffalo.  He was double fisting the bird like John Daly double fists Budweiser.  It was a beautiful sight.  Up in the owner's box, flipping it left and right.  And rightfully so!  

Few groups of people deserve to be told where to go more than Bills fans.  They're obnoxious, dirty, aggressive, drunk, vile people.  Not to mention the fact that they're still living off the memories of when they were good.  But not good enough to win.  Four straight Super Bowls and you can't win one?  On top of that, the best player in their history is a double murderer.  

To make it even better, after the game, down on the field, Bud continued to tell the fans what he thought.  Walking across the field after the 41-17 Titans win, gleefully fingering the fans of Buffalo.  The only thing that would have made it better was if he walked up to Terrell Owens and questioned the moral integrity of T.O.'s granmama.    I wish Bud Adams was my grandfather.  I'd bring him everywhere with me because he can say all the things I'm thinking and can't get away with saying.

I can't wait to be 85 years old.  The day I get my AARP card, the guy behind the counter at the 7-11 is going to hear it.

Lawrence Phillips

Career stats:

yards: 1,453

touchdowns:14

teams played for: 7 (NFL: Rams, Dolphins, 49ers; NFL Europe: Barcelona Dragons; Arena League: Florida Bobcats; CFL: Montreal Allouettes, Calgary Stampeders)

Domestic Abuse charges: at least 5

Assault with a Deadly Weapon Convictions:1

Lawrence Phillips is an all-time great amongst the Pantheon.  If OJ is the Godfather, LP has a definite claim to Underboss.  Actually, The Juice is lucky they're not in the same prison.  I wouldn't be surprised if Lawrence tried to off OJ to take total control of the operation.  Let's take a look at the illustrious off the field career of Mr. Phillips.

Lawrence didn't have the nicest of childhoods, growing up in foster homes in California.  No doubt, a bad start for anyone.  But Lawrence had one thing going for him...he could run like a motherf*cker with a football in his hands.  Unfortunately, he wasn't quite as fast with the cops in tow.  He went off to Nebraska where, aside from his truly stellar college football career, he found his true calling: beating women.  He was suspended in 1995 for beating his then-girlfriend, a member of the Nebraska basketball team.  He probably found out that girls who play with basketballs in college don't play with mens' balls in college.  She was probably pulling more chicks than he was and he got mad.  I'll let him off for this one.

When Larry Boy then went off to the NFL, he was drafted number six overall, even though he was widely regarded as the best player in the draft.  Five teams passed on him because of his shady college past.  So, look out St. Louis!  Lock up your women!  Drafted in 1996, he played a season and a half for the Rams who were so confident in his abilities and Dick Vermeil's belief that he could set Larry on the straight and narrow, that they traded Jerome Bettis to the Steelers.  Phillips ran for 1,309 yards and 12 touchdowns in 27 games for the Rams.  Bettis became the Steelers all-time leading rusher and went to 2 Super Bowls, winning one.  Phillips decided he wasn't getting enough playing time and walked out on the team.  Bettis retired with dignity, a Super Bowl ring, and a sure first ballot Hall of Fame Induction.  Good move, Rams.

On to Miami (or as the Cubans say, Meeahmi)!   Two games, 44 yards, one arrest for assaulting a woman in a nightclub.  There are so many women in Miami, how could the poor guy help himself?  I mean, he was in a rut.  He hadn't hit a woman since his days back at the ol' Alma Mater.  That's like going two episodes of "Dexter" without Dex chopping someone into pieces or Bill Simmons stopping at 10,000 words.  Eventually, you need a fix.  

In 1998, our boy needed a break.  I assume he went back to California to get his pimp hand strong.  In 1999, he decided to give woman-beating...I mean football, another shot.  He said to himself, "Hmmm...I ain't never hit to European broads.  Imma play in Spain!"  Good luck, Barcelona!  Remarkably, he was able to stay out of cuffs throughout stays with the Barcelona Dragons, San Francisco 49ers, and a stint in the Arena League with the Florida Bobcats.  I'm assuming he didn't get arrested this time in Florida because he wasn't there long enough.  He again, like in St. Louis, just stopped showing up for work.

Let's skip ahead to his post-football career (no one cares about the CFL...except Doug Flutie).  This is where my all-time favorite Lawrence Phillips event takes place.  The date: August 21, 2005.  The scene: a playground in Los Angeles, CA.  The story:  Lawrence, now 30 years old, participates in a pick-up football game with teenagers.  After the game, Larry notices that his belongings that he left near the field are gone.  He accuses the kids of stealing his things.  Angered, he returns to his car and thinks of his next step.  He can't call the cops since there's already 2 warrants out for him for...you guessed it...domestic abuse!  Winner, winner, prison dinner if you guessed right!  So the cop option is out.  Option number 2: run the little fuckers down with his car!  Seven counts of assault with a deadly weapon later, do not pass go, do not collect food stamps, go directly to jail!  For 10 years!  And don't forget those old warrants, my friend!  While in jail you'll be convicted of assault with great bodily injury, false imprisonment, making threats, and auto theft!  Sentencing still to come.

What did we learn from Lawrence Phillips?  First, don't date girls who play organized college sports.  They're lesbians.  Second, show up for work lest ye not have work to show up to.  Third, if you're going to run down teenagers, make sure you don't have previous warrants, then run like cops are chasing you (wait...they were).  And for the ladies, don't date Lawrence Phillips.  He will beat you.  A lot.

Ryan Leaf

After being drafted, Ryan Leaf was quoted as saying, "I'm looking forward to a 15 year career, a couple of trips to the Super Bowl, and a parade through downtown San Diego."  If you just substitute "Peyton's" for "I'm", and "Indianapolis" for "San Diego," you realize how right he actually was.

Career Stats

College

Finished 3rd in Heisman Trophy voting as a junior; Pac-10 offensive player of the year and first team All-American.
Held Pac-10 record for TD passes (since broken) with 33.
Led Washington State to first Pac-10 championship in school history.
Led Washington State to first Rose Bowl in 67 years.
2nd-best passer rating in the country as a junior, averaging 330.6 yards passing per game.
Number two overall pick of the San Diego Chargers in 1998 after coming out as a junior.  Chargers traded two 1st-round picks, a 2nd, LB Patrick Sapp, and RB/WR Eric Metcalf to get the pick.

Pro

25 games (21 starts)
4 teams in 5 seasons
3,666 yards
14 TD's, 36 INT's
50.0 career QB rating (league average: 78.9)

Coaching

2006-2008 West Texas A&M QB Coach
2007-2008 West Texas A&M Golf Coach

Criminal

November, 2008:  Reportedly asked player for pain pill.  School puts him on indefinite leave, then Leaf resigns.  Leaf enters drug rehab in Canada.
May, 2009:  Indicted on burglary and controlled substance charges in Texas; still in drug rehab in Canada at the time.
June, 2009:  Arrested returning to US and posted $45,000 bond.


Why he belongs in the Pantheon

Stupidity.  That's the key word for Leaf, plain and simple.  After starting 2-0 his rookie year, he gets benched 9 games in, and then is diagnosed with an injured shoulder and wrist that knocks out his second year.  (The most famous stat line from his rookie year versus Kansas City:  1-15, 4 yards, 3 fumbles.)   He yells at reporters, the GM, and Chargers fans in separate incidents ON CAMERA.  He is caught playing golf when he told SD he was "too hurt" to practice, and playing flag football when he was supposed to be rehabbing.  (And reportedly he threw 5 INT's in that flag football game.  Seriously!)  The Chargers sued him for breach of contract.  He ended up re-injuring his wrist in season 3, and left SD with four wins as a starter.

Sadly, here is where it actually gets dumber.  After getting signed by Tampa, Leaf opted against having wrist surgery deaspite medical advice to do so.  So he plays terribly in preseason, and Tampa asks him to take a pay cut.  He refuses, and is released.

The Cowboys sign him a few weeks later.  Leaf fails a physical because of the wrist.  He does play for the Cowboys but is released after the season.

The Seahawks sign him; they want him to develop slowly and heal the wrist.  Instead, Leaf opts not to rehab and retires before the season at age 26.

Now, we fast forward to West Texas A&M.  After marrying and divorcing a Chargers' cheerleader, Leaf finally does something positive:  gets a degree from West Texas, and gets back into college football as a coach.  Cue bevy of "redemption" video pieces; Leaf talks about how good life is, etc., etc.

Then, of course, is the fall from grace.  He asks a player for pain pills, is caught, resigns, and heads to rehab.  And what are these pain pills for?  His wrist.  Yes, the same wrist he refused to have operated on in 2000, the same one that caused him to be unable to throw the ball correctly and ended his career, and the same one that has been hurting for eight years.  Turn back the clock and have that surgery... who knows.

But Ryan Leaf's curse is that he had a million dollar arm and a 5 cent brain.  And now his life is a complete disaster.

He goes down as one the most colassal bust ever at the QB position -- of the top of my head, only Art Schlichter comes to mind as a comparable QB bust based on pure stupidity.  And he's now a criminal, just like Art.  Maybe they can share a cell together?  My bet is that Leaf is a backup on the prison football team.


Proper tribute

He should be remembered based on his sterling performances on between the lines.  The obvious:  any QB bust (see "Russell, Jamarcus"). 

I prefer more creative applications.  A five INT day, for example, can be broken down into three "repectable" picks (i.e., great coverage, deflections, etc.), and two "Leafs" (i.e., throwing to the side of the field where there are no receivers, throwing picks to defensive linemen, throwing into triple coverage, etc.).  Also can be used when a GM (like the well-respected Bobby Beathard) trades everything for a high pick, only to lose his job, his reputation, and his career over one disastrous mistake:  he "Leafed" Bethard.


Position in the Pantheon

This is very easy:  boiling puss-filled pimple on the Pantheon's pasty white trash ass.


Here are some fun video highlights:

Ryan Leaf yelling at reporters

Career "highlights"

Rae "The Truth" Carruth

Career stats:  Receptions: 62

Yards: 804

Touchdowns: 4

Convictions of Conspiracy to commit 1st degree murder: 1

Convictions of shooting into an occupied vehicle: 1

Convictions of using an instrument to destroy an unborn child: 1

Rae, Rae, Rae, Rae, Rae.  What were you thinking?  As Keyshawn would say, "C'mon, man!"  Why didn't you call the Godfather?  If anyone knows how to knock of  a woman, it's OJ.  He could have set you straight, given you a strategy and made sure that you him could scour the golf courses of North America looking for the real killer!  But, nooooo....you had to do it your way!  You had to stop your car in front of hers and have your boys try to off her.  You better find some better marksmen next time.  Your thugs didn't take the time make sure she was dead and she survived another two weeks.  She ID'd you on the phone to the cops and you got your under-performing ass throw in jail.  Not only were you a waste of a 1st round draft pick, you can't even pick the right guys to do the job.  More importantly, why didn't you have someone else drive in front of her?  Rule number 1 of offing your around-the-way-girl:  NEVER BE SEEN AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME!!!!

Now you're locked up until at least 2018.  From what I hear, woman-killers and child abusers/killers don't have many friends in the joint.  Don't drop the soap, handsome.

Here's some advice:  First, don't cheat on your wife to begin with.  Second, if you do, wear a rubber.  If you didn't knock her up, you wouldn't be where you are now.  Rae, yours is not a result of keeping it real.  Its a result of being a horse's ass (apologies to horses' asses everywhere).

Tennessee Football Players

Nu'Keese Richardson career stats: receptions: 8, yards: 102, touchdowns: 1, armed robbery arrests: 1

Janzen Jackson career stats: armed robbery arrests: 1

Mike Edwards career stats: armed robbery arrests: 1

Really? Three freshman Tennessee Volunteers freshman football players are arrested for attempted armed robbery.  Really?  I understand that you can take the kid out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the kid, but...really?  You three idiots had it all.  Game, girls, probably didn't have to go to class very much, if at all.  Who was the mastermind behind this ordeal?  Guys, if you needed money I'm sure some Vols booster would have been happy to give you a "job" "washing cars" at his used car lot.  But no, you had to go all gangsta and try to keep it real.  Talk about when keepin' it real goes wrong!  How far did you get when you ran?  I'm guessing most of Nu'Keese Richarson's receptions went for more distance (he did average 11.5 yards per reception).

I'm really curious how this conversation went.  Probably something like this...

Nu'Keese: "Dude, I'm hungry."

Mike: "Me, too."

Janzen: "Y'all gots any money?"

Nu'Keese and Mike: "Nah."

Janzen: "Let's go rob someone."

Nu'Keese: "Aight."

Mike: "Word."

Janzez: "Should we all wear our Tennessee football gear?"

Nu'Keese: "Aight."

Mike: "Word."

Another feather in the cap of Lane Kiffin.  After all Kiffin said (lied) about how proud he was to get Richardson away from Urban Meyer and the Gators, he got his just rewards.  Sleep well, Mr. Meyer.  In your dreams you'll see how Nu'Keese Richardson, Mike Edwards, Janzen Jackson, and most of all, Lane Kiffin, successfully kept it real.

Adam "Pacman" Jones

Career Stats: games: 39, tackles: 147, passes defensed: 29, sacks: 1, forced fumbles:2, int's: 4, punt returns: 79, kickoff returns: 64, touchdowns: 8, arrests: 5 (since turning pro), women spit on: 2, women punched in the face: 1, fistfights with team-provided bodyguards: 1, strip club shootings: 1, caught on tape while making it rain: 1, times known to have kept it real: countless

Pacman is a true legend in the annuls of keepin' it real.  When the valet at the Nashville Sports Kickoff Luncheon told Pacman he had to wait in line for his car, not only was the valet berated, Pac says "no tip for you!"  Reality:kept.  When he was busted for marijuana possession in 2006 in Georgia, he claims he could beat the NFL drug test.  Again, full on real-keeping.  Spitting on a couple of women?  Hey, don't disrespect the Pacman and ye shall not be spat upon.  Don't they know Pac keeps it real?

But, as we all know, the realness was on display All-Star weekend in Las Vegas in February of 2007.  If you're the biggest baller, why wouldn't you show up to strip club with $50,000 in one dollar bills in a backpack?  Pac didn't make it rain, he made it pour!  Katrina Style!  The only difference being that after the storm, Katrina didn't demand her water back.  Anyone who's ever been to the "gentleman's club" knows there are no refunds, no matter how bad the lap-dance is.  After, what I'm sure was a calm negotiation, to get his money back went south, Pacman (allegedly) beat a "dancer's" head against the bar, (allegedly) threatened to kill a club employee, and (allegedly) ordered his bodyguards to engage in a fire-fight with bouncers.  Certainly you can't keep THIS man from keepin' it real.

Now Pacman has resurrected his career in Canada with the Winnipeg BlueBombers.  They may want to leave him off the active roster whenever they have to play the Montreal Allouettes.  No one at SuperSex will be safe.

O.J. Simpson

O.J. Simpson. Heisman Trophy winner. Actor. Avis spokesperson. Double murderer. Golfer. Incarcerated.

Career Stats
College
Heisman Trophy winner at USC (winner by largest margin in history).
Led the nation in rushing in 1967 and 1968.
Number one overall pick of the Buffalo Bills in 1969.
Pro
135 games
11,236 yards
4.7 ypc
61 TD's
6 Pro Bowls in 11 seasons
Only player to ever rush for 2,000 yards in a 14-game season, and first 2,000 yard rusher in NFL history
Holds single -season record for yards-per-game average (143.1)
1985 Hall of Fame Inductee

Criminal

1989 No contest, domestic violence
1994 Double murder, found not guilty
1997 Civil wrongful death suit, unanimously found liable
1999 State of California finds Simpson owes $1.44 M in back taxes
2001 Battery and auto burglary (road rage incident), found not guilty
2004 Using electronic devices to pirate DirecTV broadcast signal, found guilty, ordered to pay $58,678
2008 12 counts of armed robbery, found guilty, sentenced to 33 years with possibility of parole in 9

Why he belongs in the Pantheon
Could there be a more spectacular fall from grace than O.J.'s? Heisman trophy winner, record-setting running back, actor/commentator/spokesperson/producer... reduced to a sick punchline in a white Ford Bronco being driven by Al Cowlings ("I'm AC, dammit!"). Anyone who has the gall to write a book called "If I Did It" has some serious, serious cahones, and perhaps some denial issue. The fact that the justice system actually did a "makeup call" with his robbery conviction says it all. He's the OG all the other athlete gangsta wanna-be's have to look up to.

Proper tribute
I like to toast him when ordering breakfast. Example: "I'll have a short stack, sausage, and a large glass of Guilty." Ah, it never gets old.

Position in the Pantheon
Due to his seniority, the horror of his crimes, the unreal media circus of the most public trial we'll likely ever see, his blatant arrogance in the face of everything, and his refusal to go quietly afterward... undoubtedly, he's The Godfather of the Pantheon. He paved the way for everyone else, and made all after him look like amatuer criminals. I'll have a vodka and guilty to go, please.